Listen, deadbeat. It’s too late to send out paper cards, which you’ve been “taking a year off” from doing since 1993. In fact, failing to send out cards is the only Christmas tradition you’ve managed to keep faithfully, other than miraculously transforming, every Christmas Eve, from someone who owns six pairs of scissors and four rolls of tape into someone who is seriously considering using little dabs of strawberry jelly to stick together the shredded edges of wrapping paper, which you attempted to cut by scoring it with a Budweiser cap. Jelly is sticky, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/how-to-write-a-family-christmas-letter#ixzz2Fi8lUbSu